Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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