My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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