I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize