My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
