We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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