She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
