Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
