My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize