I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
