I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts