I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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