haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.