he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW Iâ€™M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS