kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.