I'm an idiot
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them