Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You smell like stripper and shame
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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