I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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