haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
