i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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