he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
