and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
