Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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