Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Randomize
