Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
