We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
