she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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