Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
