It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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