Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
4 words: hood of his car
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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