you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
