all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize