We need to rekindle our bromance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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