if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
