I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
