Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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