Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
