You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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