I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
