I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
