I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
