so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
