Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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