In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
