i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
