Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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