Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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