Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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