i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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