5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
