Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
