Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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