It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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