College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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