I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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