I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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