Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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