Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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