Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
