I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i believe in u and ur pee
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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