the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
