So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
