Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
