i would punch a child for taco bell
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
