Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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