If that was your dad, he is hot
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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