I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
