Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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