Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
