I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
