I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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