I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
