Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
