Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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