garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
