guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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