i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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