Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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