He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
