We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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