Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
